Why cant I keep up with blogging ?
Alright, I'm terrible at keeping up with these things, but I'm going to really work at it this time. I always have high hopes for all of these blogs, honestly, unreasonable hopes. I think it's because I think too highly of myself. I'll write something about myself, notice I'm not as cool as I think I am, have an existential crisis, induce psychological torment, read some pedantic, heady crap, bolster my ego, then reflect on how silly writing about myself is and rewatch "Breaking Bad."
Another reason I have a hard time doing these things is that I'm generally at a loss as to what I should actually write about. People say write about what you're passionate about, but I think this is simpler said than done. Or at least it is for me. When I attempt this, I get the sense that every word I write takes me farther away from the reason I felt passionate in the first place. It's kind of like when I was in grade school; I would watch a documentary about Mars or something and then be asked to complete some kind of comprehension worksheet. Why can't I just reflect on how awesome space exploration is without recording how many light years away Mars is? I'm 8, just let me appreciate how cool Mars is, goddammit.
Also, I'm a bad writer, not an awful one. But I feel as if my written diction is subpar, inarticulate, and mostly filled with grammatical slip-ups. Being a critical person who regularly judges others makes me incredibly conscious of these facts. I shrivel up like a prune in my chair, feeling great and unbearable shame as my weaknesses are exposed. I'm attempting to move past this; hopefully, through my practice, I can grow and take true pride in my work.
My goal is to write about an adventure every week. Make a record of fighting the man, stumbling over my own feet, and getting lost.